I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
