I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
do herpes really smell.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
