how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
nutella sex= disaster
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
