When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
