What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
