How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
