I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize