no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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