turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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