I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Small penises have feelings too.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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