Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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