i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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