I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
