you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
