Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
