Only a mothe r could love this liver
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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