Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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