fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
