So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize