Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
