Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Success! We fucked roommates!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize