my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
