Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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