we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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