wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
