We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
