Yo dont text me then not text me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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