and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
