One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
