I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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