can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
