Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
