What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
