so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
