dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
