dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
