Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
