you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
