I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize