dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
