I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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