she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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