Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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