it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize