im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
