When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just pee around me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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