Well apparently he's into motor boating.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
