he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
