I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize