It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
