if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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