Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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