if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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