My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
