I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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