moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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