stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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