your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize