Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
