I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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