Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
