He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
