He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
