Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
