I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
