Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
