Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
