Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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